How To Tell Your Partner Your Sex Life Isn’t What It Used To Be, According To Experts
Ashley Batz for Bustle
There’s a lot of advice out there about rekindling the flame in a long-term relationship. But how do you tell your partner that the flame isn’t there anymore for you? Improving your sex life isn’t something you do alone, and if you want a better sexual connection, you’ll have to start off by talking and building the emotional connection. It’s a delicate conversation, because you don’t want your partner to feel at fault for your declining sex life — you want to work through it as a team. But with the right wording, you can do that.
“Why does the sex life decline in the first place? It's because we get comfortable settled into a regular routine,” Mayla Green, sex coach for TheAdultToyShop.com, tells Bustle. “Humans naturally form regular patterns — we are creatures of habit after all — and our sex life is no different. Unfortunately, this affects the sex life and it becomes boring.”
The boredom that may set in as your relationship goes on, though, is just an invitation to try new things. If you’re not as satisfied with your sex life as you used to be, here are some ways to broach the subject with your partner.
Ashley Batz for Bustle
Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based psychotherapist, sex expert, and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, tells Bustle to first ask your partner if they've noticed a change in your sex life. Ask if they find your sex life as active and fun as it used to be, she says. Express how much you enjoyed when you were having sex more often or were more into it, and ask if they'd like to get back into that rhythm.
Ask What's Getting In The Way
Next, ask your partner why they think you're not enjoying sex as much anymore. If they don't want to get back into the rhythm, ask why. For example, they may be experiencing a decline in sex drive (which could come from many things like hormonal imbalances, stress, insecurity, medications and nutritional deficiencies), so you could work on that, Greer says. Or, you may not be doing what's necessary to turn them on. "Talk about how you can address these issues together and move past them," Greer says.