Knowing When To Hold Them & When To Fold Them in Family Conflicts
Dr. Jane Greer
The Good Men Project
Dealing with family members who have conflicting beliefs can pose a challenge. Disbelief about their views can leave one thinking, “Are they for real?” Everything from child rearing to politics to managing the pandemic can form rifts in relationships that, in a variety of cases, lead people to become estranged from each other. They end up in a Cold War with loved ones, opting to keep their distance and harbor resentment.
Finding harmony in the face of opposing beliefs requires a lot of care and finesse. Oftentimes, members each believe they’re right and that the other is wrong, and they waste a lot of time trying to convince the other member — invariably hitting a wall.
How is it possible to side-step becoming polarized? What needs to happen in order to find middle ground?
For example, Ginger went to visit her son, Hank, his wife, Sadie, and her grandson, Connor, to celebrate Connor’s fourth birthday. During her visit, she realized that Connor still wasn’t potty trained. Upset, she asked her son in private whether it concerned him that Connor was still in diapers, to which Hank replied, “What’s the big deal? I don’t know why you’re concerned about it.”
After Ginger returned home and had digested the situation, she believed that Hank and Sadie needed some coaching on their parenting practices, and she decided to arrange this for them. She and Hank had a close relationship, and she felt confident that he’d agree with her approach. When she broached the idea to Hank, he said he’d think about it. But in subsequent calls to him, Hank put her off, saying he was busy and they’d talk later — and then never returned her calls.