Dating after a divorce can be challenging!

There are two simple rules of thumb that will help you navigate the way and push forward into new romantic territory.

The first tip is, avoid comparing the person you are dating to your ex. While it is tempting to measure them for better or worse against the things you liked or hated with your former partner, the real key to focus on is how they make you feel about yourself when you’re with them. If you compare them, you are then evaluating them based on what you liked or didn’t like about your ex, rather than on who they are, and you will wind up either regretting what you lost or angry about what you missed out on all those years. That will keep you stuck in the negativity of your former marriage, which keeps the pain and loss of divorce alive, instead of letting go and moving on with a new flame. Stay focused on building a new relationship, and leave your past where it belongs – behind you.

The second rule is, avoid badmouthing your ex, especially to the person you are dating. This is a hard one because most people come away from divorce angry about what went wrong and they want to talk about it. Be mindful about who you vent to. When you come across as blaming and critical, the risk is you can scare off your new partner who might wonder what they might do to upset you, and what you would say about them then. Everyone knows there are two sides to every story, so as much as possible try to present a balanced picture when you are speaking about the marriage. Whether you are famous or not, when dealing with the aftermath of divorce this old adage can be helpful: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. When you talk negatively you keep your bad feelings alive. When you talk positively you put them to rest. The ultimate goal is to get on with your new life in a better place for what you gained from your old one.

With these rules in mind, you will be equipped to leave the past in its place and move on with your dating life.