How Much Time Should You Spend Together?

If one person wants to be together but the other is pulled toward something else – a scheduled appointment, a night out with friends, a quiet evening at home – the first might feel rejected and the other might then feel guilty. You might be able to avoid that if you are clear from the beginning about your boundaries.

Let them know you are excited and looking forward to spending time with them and wish you could make all these other responsibilities disappear, but both of you have things that need your individual attention. As long as you understand that, it will give you the room to do what you need to do and not feel you are neglecting your relationship. The important thing is to emphasize that choosing to do your own thing does not mean you don’t want to be together, and if the other person makes the same choice it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.

You can be considerate and reassuring by letting each other know when you are free to spend time so that you can both make your separate plans and still preserve time to be with one another.