How Long Is Too Long?

If you're in a long-term relationship and want to be engaged, how long do you think you should wait for your partner to be ready? This is a question that many people ask after they have committed to their partner through the ups and downs and are now ready for the ultimate commitment of marriage.

         As hard as it is to accept, sometimes relationships outlast their shelf life and stop moving forward. How can you know if your relationship has reached that point, and you have entered that zone of just wasting your time? The most important thing to keep in mind is that despite the fact that your partner’s reluctance to commit can feel like a rejection of you, try not to take it personally. You can do this by recognizing that very often when one partner is holding back on taking that huge step, it often has more to do with their own individual issues and fears than with how they feel about the other person. They might be worried about career success, or making enough money to support a family, or maybe they were betrayed before and have trust issues. If someone has already been married, there might be all sorts of concerns keeping them from trying again. 

Talk to your partner about why they are not ready to go forward. See if you can jointly determine what it might take for them to get beyond their fears. Set goals to work toward making those changes. And then you can set a time limit for yourself, maybe six months or a year, and see if anything is being done. As long as your partner is trying then your relationship is still viable and worth fighting for. But if your partner is all talk, and has made no attempt to move toward the goals you set together, then sadly it might be an indication that nothing will ever change. At that point, you can do what they have not been able to do, take the next step yourself and move on.